The past week or so I've been feeling rather depressed. At least when I'm not too busy to be depressed, which thankfully I've been most of the time. And I was thinking to myself that I should go do something that I normally do to cheer myself up. And then I couldn't think of a damn thing to do that would make me happy. And that worried me quite a bit. I don't know what the hell is up with me lately, but I don't like it very much. I need to be in absolute control of myself and I'm not. I don't have the slightest clue as to what's going on in my head. I hate what the winter does to me.
I also feel like I'm splitting into two selves now that I've started this new job. Whenever I work in an office environment with a normal schedule, the yuppie corporate consumer in me comes out and I want to get all dressed up and look presentable and then go buy expensive things to show off the fact that I'm earning money. When I work at jobs like starbucks or just do freelance work, then it's my poor, just having fun, college student side that comes out. But now that my yuppie side is manifesting itself my weirdly introspective side is also around. These two sides don't mesh very well, yet they always show up together, making me quite dichotomous. It's a strange state to be in and I don't very much like it. It's also made me strangely productive and alert, which is a good thing, but I can't fathom the reason behind this recent change.