April 16, 2000


somewhere in this head of mine
there must be an answer
and I've laid awake for many nights
trying desperately to find it
but all that yielded was days of exhaustion
the exhaustion doesn't help me sleep
every night I'm still searching
there has to be an answer somewhere
if there's not I don't know what to do
I can't deal with my internal disruption
everything you've done to me amazes me
you've brought me to my highest point
and then dragged me down equally as low
all with the excuse that you didn't know,
you had no idea what you were doing
and you think ignorance is an excuse
there is never any excuse for what you did
I don't care how fucking stupid you say you are
I know that you aren't
you had to have some idea of what you were doing
I guess I never really figured you out
I thought I had for a while
but not after all of this
and because I cannot solve you
I cannot put you behind me
and you're haunting me at every turn
letters and lewd photographs litter my drawers
I can't pack up and move on
without being reminded of you everywhere



April 8 April 10