June 27, 2000


II cannot fathom your reason. Just can't. It's like you saying, "oh, you have brown hair. I can't date brown haired girls. I really like you and all, but, well, the brown hair..." I know that it's more important than that, but I just don't see why it should be such a huge thing. I can see if things get serious, then, yes it will be an issue. But we were just dating. And you never even asked me about my religious beliefs. So what are you so worried about? That my beliefs will be in opposition to yours? That I won't understand you because I don't know your religion? What? I honestly doubt that my beliefs could oppose yours because I have so few. And what I don't know about your religion I can learn. I am not so hardset in my ways that I cannot learn nor change. I don't know what else to say. It just seems to me that you're being rather closed-minded about this. You said that your faith is who you are. I respect that. You said that growing up in a two faith household was hell. I grew up in a two faith household as well and it was fine. I think something like that depends on how well the two people have communicated about their beliefs.

I was thinking about sending this to you in an e-mail, but I don't much feel like beating a dead horse. Anyhow, I'd rather have this conversation with you in person. So for now I will just post this here and vent to the world. You always wondered how I could post stuff like this. It is because I am venting. It's catharsis. I release whatever is pent up inside for all the world to see and that's my way of dealing with things. Oh, and I am aware that I am blowing this whole thing out of proportion. I think it's because I am a romantic at heart and I will generally go to absurd lengths for someone I like, so ending something so quickly for a reason like this just seems wrong to my sensibilities.

It's only Tuesday and already this week has left me feeling so powerless. I hate when I feel like this. It's like I no longer have any control over what happens to me. I'm subjected to the whims of others. It makes me want to just retreat back into myself so I won't get hurt while people are batting me around.

I just give up. I've been putting in way too much effort for way too little return and it's just not worth it anymore.



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