August 1, 2000


Hmmm... I have been feeling weird as of late. Possibly it's just too many days of clouds with no sun. It's been over a week since we had a sunny day. It's the middle of the summer, it should be sunny every day. I need the sun. Anyhow, this lack of sun is messing with my head and sending it into its confused, questioning, unsettled state. It's not a place I like to be. It makes me doubt too much. Blah. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I get to go to a concert with my girl. I like the place where the show is. It's outside. Quite nice. And we'll be under cover so it won't matter much if it rains. And it will of course be nice to see her again. Though when I'm around her I realize how incredibly socially inept I am. But that's good because now I'm trying to work on that. I really need to open up more to her. I'm finding it hard to though. I haven't opened up to anyone in a really long time. I want to, but I tend to just freeze up. I guess that's just another thing I can blame on my parents. We went out to lunch today and not much was really said. They talked some during the meal, but the whole car ride home was spent in complete silence. I've just gotten used to the silence at this point. I can be comfortable in silence, whereas some people loathe it and must fill every second with incessant chatter. I am rambling today. I haven't much of importance to say, but I find it soothing to type.

"it's a narrow margin/ just room enough for regret/ in the inch and a half between/ hey how are you?/ and/ can I kiss you yet?/ so we talk like/ nervous neighbors over a tall fence"

ah, ani lyrics. there's always some line or another that's wondefully apropo at any given time. I have a friend who will randomly interject ani lines into her conversations. they always seem to fit. hmm...such a wonderfully sad feeling of emptiness. what am I missing? is it just the sun or is there something else? ah well, enough of this for tonight.



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